The Age of Sanyas, the trivial hope of fixing an issue with EPS and how to live a worthwhile life after rejecting Sanyas

 I certainly have no plans for a sanyas or leaving for the Himalayas! 

Yet a couple of days before the d-day, I could sense a heaviness in the head which lasts even a day after. Since I am indifferent to religion, it has to be the social importance of turning 75.

I have no plans to change the course my life but a fogginess in the head persists.

I wanted to have a cozy house in a quiet area - started just before Covid, which delayed it. But we are now in it for the last two years. I am finally installing solar panels - not for economic reasons and not even to save the planet as we continue to consume and pollute more. 

It is more for the selfish reason of being off-grid in case of grid collapses. If California can now experience them, Goa is of course an easy and likely victim. Hence, it again doesn't give me happiness of doing something useful.

We also were able to dispose parental property on our terms of no cash, in spite of advice that we are losing money and paying more tax. Again it was for the selfish motive of peace of mind. I have no expectation that it will make any dent in the economics of sale of properties.

My investments are passive and not requiring much effort except occasional reorganisation of funds to minimize risk. A necessity in light of the absurd pension I get for Employee Pension Scheme.

I do need to continue to fight the EPFO - not for my pension but in the hope to help others less literate facing the same issue. In shifting my pension from Chandigarh to Goa, my date of birth has been incorrectly entered. The digital life certificate is rejected as the date of birth on the Aadhaar card does not match the record of the employee pension scheme. Their solution defies reasonableness - provide a certificate from the bank each year as they inform me verbally that they can't change the date in their records. I wonder how they will deal with my death certificate! I keep hoping that my occasional pestering will result in some internal escalation and fixing my birthdate. 

I can recommend to them that if they can't change the field, create another field the database 'Legal Birth Date' and use that instead. I doubt if they will listen. Even if I succeed, I can at best feel a tiny and momentary sense of achievement even after the age of sanyas.

The satisfaction from this achievement, if at all it happens, is hardly enough to clear the mental fog.

Grandchildren are also too old to be needing or wanting our advice or input. 

I am trying to convince myself that it is not being 75 years old, but I need to find something to work on which keeps me occupied and in principle could be useful even if it is never actually used.

So, time to meditate on what next!

 

A year on and my brain is perpetually stressed

I have no connection with Palestine or even any Arab. The last Indian news channel I watched was NDTV till it was taken over. I have relied mostly on European news channels, DW, France 24 and, to a lesser extent, BBC, and youtube selectively for Indian news, trying to escape emotional onslaughts on my brain.

It all changed a year ago. My brain just could not reconcile the contrast between the news of from Ukraine with the news from Gaza. I had to switch channels and reached Al Jazeera. I still watch it primarily though I have to turn off the tv as I can't cope with the developments  still going on after a year. It pains me as I liked to believe that we were long past the colonial era and were far more enlightened.

Today the words of the Western leaders in particular may sound nice and comforting while the images stare in bleak contrast. My brain can't cope.

I find solace in Scandinavian crime fiction where even though the criminals may be awful, there is a sense of closure and what is the most significant part, the hero does NOT use violence - from the characters created by   Sjöwall and Wahlöö to Jørn Lier Horst ! 

I focus a lot on the videos of  Robert Sapolsky even though I have never appreciated or understood chemistry or biology and hope that these will help. 

How does one run away or escape from any thing unpleasant?

Who knows, I may even try ChatGPT or Google's version, except that I worry these may make matters even worse.